Recently, I was too busy with my work, labs, clattering of test tubes, setting centrifuge, diluting the life somewhere with samples etc. I thought that I did forget him, now he is no more in my life. I remembered you, you once said, “People just keep those persons ALIVE in their heart, who don’t actually deserve to be”. And I really practiced it, it helped me too. It was happy to know that, I haven’t kept him alive and he is finally out, YES “He Is Dead”, I was happy and contended. Feeling of victory I bathed with as it was an impossible task I finally turned it done. I never thought that, I will ever be able to survive without him. After my 20 years he was the only reason, basis of my Existence! After all my love, he was.
Yesterday morning I woke up, my head swinging, something burdened my heart and burning my thoughts, I dreamt of him. Consciously not even a single thought running in my from past one month, I thought I m living so happy without him. I thought that my labs centrifuge, spectrometry, diluted him from the memories of my life. I had learnt to disengage my mind, whenever any thought of him used to strike. But I was wrong, love killed me once again, subconsciously he was in me, I closed my doors but it was knocking on threshold,
Then the day terminated but not his memories striking me hard, haunting me. My heart cried badly and giving mix gesture to people around me memories flooded back to me vividly and feelings deep seated growing as a seed. The crew cut he was famous for, sitting in a distance smile prevailing at face. His silence speaking much more. I speak so much, after all a good orator but more than that I loved, without expecting and asking same from him. I trusted him and never thought why he had first sight love, because of my beauty, grown more after loosing my fat by striving to N.C.C.. He asked me for water and joined us; I thought so sarcastic and proposed me on same table at ICH. I started loving him, later on. But I never thought that it is convenient for people to say something, and to do something.
He might have never dreamed about me as he was so busy in his money making as if he used to think that churning the Straw will turn to gold. Money was the only thing bringing so many slips between cups and lips, that Coins which make sounds, bought a sound of Shehnai to his home, he married someone else without letting me know all that, making me confirmed that he is going to engage my finger with the ring of his love by few days ahead in front of my mother, brother and his guardians.
Even after facing all this, I was not able to forget him as if one has opened junkyard where your preserved moments make your eyes wet and you love to be there without caring for dust or spiders.
THIS IS LOVE. Time has passed, situations are not same, my darling never ever loved me and I realized that I was just to fill a void of so called girl friend in his company as every friend of him asking him to fall in love with. My emotions sinking deep to my cavity that mugs, his uniform of captain in which he looked my hubby, but his drinks hang over on my anger and his friends who spoiled him by getting doped to drugs, whish I come to know later on. I too have changed completely. After knowing all this one thing never ended, the same forever, My Love,,,, its still the same. The intensity, that passion, those feelings are the same. They haven’t changed yet.
When he was with me, I felt that this love is everything, the best one, the whole. I can’t love him more than this nor less than this. This was the limit of my infinite love for him. But I never thought that this infinite love born in my heart will actually TRANSCEND time! Now I come to know that, love is IMMORTAL. It never dies; it never runs out. If love is true and deep; it always remains there, in our hearts. Love gives satisfaction; when you let yourself flow into it; when you don’t fear that you will drown or thrown away at the shore. And ultimately you learn to RISE IN LOVE. If there is true love, you will rise; your soul will attain a higher order. Your own chemistry will change for good. Believe me! You will feel oneness with God.
I thank God to give me strength so that, I could love him fully, wholeheartedly. I thank God to give me the potential to love at my very best. It doesn’t matter that I loved somebody who never loved me.
Now I have learnt to live without him, to live without tears, gloom and memories. I don’t need him anymore. I don’t want to see him. Because he is in my heart, forever. Whenever I feel like having him, I know that he will come out from my heart. He is always there ………
I have kept him alive, and will be there throughout my life, till eternity.
The Most important thing is to LOVE ACTUALLY.
Now, I am happy to be as I was before. I have attained my original self, free of anger, tears, pain and anguish. There is no fear of having or loosing him, because
MY LOVE IS AROUND ME; WITHIN ME, WITH ME ALWAYS.
I STILL LOVE YOU THE SAME, MY CAPTAIN.....
Yesterday morning I woke up, my head swinging, something burdened my heart and burning my thoughts, I dreamt of him. Consciously not even a single thought running in my from past one month, I thought I m living so happy without him. I thought that my labs centrifuge, spectrometry, diluted him from the memories of my life. I had learnt to disengage my mind, whenever any thought of him used to strike. But I was wrong, love killed me once again, subconsciously he was in me, I closed my doors but it was knocking on threshold,
Then the day terminated but not his memories striking me hard, haunting me. My heart cried badly and giving mix gesture to people around me memories flooded back to me vividly and feelings deep seated growing as a seed. The crew cut he was famous for, sitting in a distance smile prevailing at face. His silence speaking much more. I speak so much, after all a good orator but more than that I loved, without expecting and asking same from him. I trusted him and never thought why he had first sight love, because of my beauty, grown more after loosing my fat by striving to N.C.C.. He asked me for water and joined us; I thought so sarcastic and proposed me on same table at ICH. I started loving him, later on. But I never thought that it is convenient for people to say something, and to do something.
He might have never dreamed about me as he was so busy in his money making as if he used to think that churning the Straw will turn to gold. Money was the only thing bringing so many slips between cups and lips, that Coins which make sounds, bought a sound of Shehnai to his home, he married someone else without letting me know all that, making me confirmed that he is going to engage my finger with the ring of his love by few days ahead in front of my mother, brother and his guardians.
Even after facing all this, I was not able to forget him as if one has opened junkyard where your preserved moments make your eyes wet and you love to be there without caring for dust or spiders.
THIS IS LOVE. Time has passed, situations are not same, my darling never ever loved me and I realized that I was just to fill a void of so called girl friend in his company as every friend of him asking him to fall in love with. My emotions sinking deep to my cavity that mugs, his uniform of captain in which he looked my hubby, but his drinks hang over on my anger and his friends who spoiled him by getting doped to drugs, whish I come to know later on. I too have changed completely. After knowing all this one thing never ended, the same forever, My Love,,,, its still the same. The intensity, that passion, those feelings are the same. They haven’t changed yet.
When he was with me, I felt that this love is everything, the best one, the whole. I can’t love him more than this nor less than this. This was the limit of my infinite love for him. But I never thought that this infinite love born in my heart will actually TRANSCEND time! Now I come to know that, love is IMMORTAL. It never dies; it never runs out. If love is true and deep; it always remains there, in our hearts. Love gives satisfaction; when you let yourself flow into it; when you don’t fear that you will drown or thrown away at the shore. And ultimately you learn to RISE IN LOVE. If there is true love, you will rise; your soul will attain a higher order. Your own chemistry will change for good. Believe me! You will feel oneness with God.
I thank God to give me strength so that, I could love him fully, wholeheartedly. I thank God to give me the potential to love at my very best. It doesn’t matter that I loved somebody who never loved me.
Now I have learnt to live without him, to live without tears, gloom and memories. I don’t need him anymore. I don’t want to see him. Because he is in my heart, forever. Whenever I feel like having him, I know that he will come out from my heart. He is always there ………
I have kept him alive, and will be there throughout my life, till eternity.
The Most important thing is to LOVE ACTUALLY.
Now, I am happy to be as I was before. I have attained my original self, free of anger, tears, pain and anguish. There is no fear of having or loosing him, because
MY LOVE IS AROUND ME; WITHIN ME, WITH ME ALWAYS.
I STILL LOVE YOU THE SAME, MY CAPTAIN.....
